Here are my main issues:

1. Every religion is essentially the same and based on the same principles. People who believe in Jesus forget that the idea of Jesus is based on a combination of much older belief structures. The ideas in the bible are not new and things that people say and do to defend the legitimacy of the bible and “prove” that it’s the word of some cosmic deity are completely ridiculous. Ninety percent of what people say to site the bible revolves around the language used and how “accurate” it is. I hate to tell you this, but the bible as you read it is a translation of a translation. The things that these people claim fit so well together didn’t even exist in these forms until recently.

2. These same people who believe in the most ridiculous and unprovable things have the tenacity to look at other religions and mock them for their “completely absurd” beliefs. Christians mock scientologists all the time and laugh that there are people out there that believe they’ll get 72 virgins when they die. Is that so much harder to believe than a zombie man who is his own father who sends you to a damnable place when you don’t listen to what he says and give him all kinds of attention and can hear everything everyone says all the time? Really? Really really?

3. Faith. When you bring up questions to these people, it becomes a matter of faith. When you show them facts and poignant questions, they say things like “well, I believe differently than you”. This is a problem for me because science is not a belief. Fact is not a belief. I can drop a rock and watch it fall to the floor and repeat this ad nauseam. Yet no one can show any kind of repeatable proof of what their beliefs are. This is blindly believing in something. This is ignorant. I’m not trying to be condescending but this is exactly what these people are preaching. They are saying that it’s ok to ignore facts because they have a “feeling”.

4. They push these ideas on everyone. They’re trying to teach it in schools. They’re trying to teach it to developing countries. They’re trying to spread the word wherever they can. I’m concerned about this because half of these people don’t even know what it is they’re preaching. They say they’ve read the bible but they haven’t and they don’t understand it. They don’t know how to explain the answers to *real* questions that people have but they’re the first ones to push the ideas on people.

5. Lack of understanding. This goes along with the last point but I feel that it needs to be addressed separately. There are people out there that believe in the bible wholeheartedly and literally. Then there are those that say that the bible is not literal and is meant to be interpreted. The problem is that they can’t decide which one they want it to be. They say that the whole thing is literal but when you question them about parts, they fall back to interpretation. When they say it’s meant to be interpreted and you question the interpretation, they say that Jesus’ miracles were literal. So which is it?

I’m throwing out a honest row of questions to the religious people out there. If you can answer these or are willing to discuss these civilly, rationally and maturely, I’m really up for some answers. Here they are (to start):

- If Noah brought 2 and only 2 of every animal onto the ark, what happened to the animals he had to sacrifice to god after the ark had safely landed?
- We now know how our planet works and we’ve seen it from space. How do you account for light coming before the sun? How do you account for plants being created before the sun in Genesis? Do you believe this literally or is there some figurative interpretation for this?
- Why is it bad to question the bible? Christians that I’ve talked to get very offended when I offer questions. They say that it’s blasphemous to question the word of god. Doesn’t that make the whole idea ignorant?
- What about the inconsistencies with dates in the bible? Historical figures mentioned in the bible are known to have been born after their mention in the bible. Moses went to cities that, historically, didn’t exist when he supposedly went to them. The entire tower of Babel story has been shown over and over again historically. The bible account of it is the only one that differs, yet christians believe it’s the only one that’s true.
- There is absolutely *no* proof that Jesus existed or did any of the things that people claim that he did. The literal Jesus that exists in the bible has not been proven or shown anywhere. If he was so important, wouldn’t *something* (read: anything) else be written about him?
- Why do you believe despite the lack of evidence? Do you not question anything that’s told to you? I don’t mean this in any sort of demeaning way. I simply want to know what thought processes have gone into a belief like this without questioning them. When I typically hear people questioning fallacies in the bible, the answer revolves around the devil planting that seed of doubt. Is that really an honest answer?

Again, these are just a start. I’m fascinated by the whole concept of religion. I don’t want to get into a fight. I’m not trying to start an argument with anyone. This is genuine curiosity from a non-believer to a believer.

I look forward to the responses.

2. I’m going to be a better homeowner. This year I would like to redo my landscaping (front and back) and I’d like to start on some other projects around the house. This past year was rough for me financially and I won’t let that get in the way this year.

3. I’m going to be a better brother/son/brother-in-law/cousin/nephew/etc. My family has always come first and, although I thought I was being good to my family, I know that I can be better for them. I will be.

4. Professionally, I would like to become a lead at work. It’s one of those things I think I’m good at. If I get a lead position, I’m cutting my hair. I’m just throwing this out there because it would be a big change, so I might as well run with it.

5. I want to narrow down my list of friends. This sounds really odd, but I feel like I spent most of 2008 around friends who brought me down rather than bringing me up. My close friends know that they’re my close friends, but my “acquaintances” need to be fine-tuned. I’m not trying to be arrogant or condescending, but I truly feel that, if you surround yourself with good people, it will make you strive to be better. I had that motivation before and I think I’ve lost it this past year.

6. I will expand my business ventures. My business partners are very savvy and dedicated people. I see too many other people out there who are complacent with their lives and the state of the world and I am not. I think that by setting a business goal for myself, I can break through this complacency. Goals are the keys to growth. They are measurable, they are finite and they are real.

7. I want to learn. I want to learn about anything. My goal is to read and learn and expand my knowledge. I want to evolve. The natural world is all about growth and survival and being the best and fittest. Who am I to argue with my own natural evolution?

8. I want to get in shape. I’m not overweight or out of shape in most uses of the word. I *feel* out of shape, though. Mentally, physically and emotionally, I feel like I have not used my talents and my skills nor grown them. This will change.

9. I want to try a new hobby. I’m not sure what it is yet but hopefully it’ll just hit me. Hmm…maybe some martial arts or something. I guess it doesn’t literally have to hit me. More on this later…

10. To enjoy life and everything in it. I’m done with worrying about people and money and stuff. Anyone who knows me is keenly aware that I wasted most of the year not on myself, but on another person/other people. I’m not a child anymore and so I do not want to bother with “children” in my life. I’m going to enjoy my life and do so with people who enjoy their lives.

That’s a nice, round list for now. I’m glad that the year is starting off on a bright note. This month, Barack Obama officially becomes our president. He’s not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s something different than what we’ve become used to. This change will be the catalyst for my personal change. I’m done with 2008. Thanks for the lessons, the love and the pain. Hello 2009.

*punt*

on a side note… i’m still pissed about people lying. that’s so…childish. >:(

Me: “It probably won’t last forever because I’m sure my school schedule will change.”
Person #2 (Sean): “Yeah.”
Me: “It’s really cool so far, though.”
#2: “That’s ’cause you’re awesome… Is it hard going for 10 hours?”
Me: “That’s what she said…”

Scene. Upon reading this, I heard laughter on the other side of the call center. He laughed so hard that he couldn’t hold it in. He then proceeded to show about 6 more people.

Lesson to be learned from this: I rule. This game rules.

Here we go…

“When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about.” -Albert Einstein

“Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.” -Barry Switzer

“Women want mediocre men, and now extraordinary men have to work hard to become as mediocre as possible.” -Margaret Mead

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” -Galileo

All in all, what these tell me is that you have to take what life gives you and run with it. I won’t settle at making myself mediocre and I refuse to worry about little things I have no control over. I know the truth about a lot of things and about people, whether those people want to accept that or not. I’m not stupid. Shame on you for thinking that I am and shame on me for thinking you were different than you really are. Someday soon I’ll stop being pissed off about it. Today’s not that day.

6 billion people in the world and I feel like they’re all pointing and laughing. I started some kind of joke that started the whole world laughing. Only thing is…I didn’t see that the joke was on me… Everyone knows I’m in over my head. They told me but I didn’t listen because I loved it. For once in my life, I loved it.

Right now, I don’t feel crazy. I’m just a little unwell. Right now, I know you can’t tell. If you’d stay a while, maybe then you’d see a different side of me. It won’t be the first heart that you break and it won’t be the last, beautiful girl. The one that you wrecked won’t take you back if you were the last beautiful girl in the world. I tried to rock you but you only can roll…

I try to keep away from people because I don’t trust them. This is just another brick in the wall. I’m gonna hide myself away but I’ll come back again someday. And when I do you’d better hide all the girls. I’m gonna break their hearts around the world. Yes, I’m gonna break them in two… Show you what I can do. Until then, I’ll cry instead.

Sometimes you give up. That’s ok. Sometimes things are too hard to deal with. That’s ok too. Don’t stop believing. There’s gotta be something better out there. Karma will come back to everyone. You just have to wait until you find the right person whose karma matches yours at that precise moment.

Maybe I’ve been part of the cloudy, maybe I’m the chance of rain. And maybe I’m overcast and maybe all my luck’s washed down the drain. I’ve been thinking about everyone. You look so lonely. But when I look at the stars, I see someone else. When I look around at all the people, I think about how people see me. I really don’t know how they see me.

Sometimes, when I see the clouds come in, I think about the way you smell, you taste, you feel. I try not to forget, as much as I want to, because I know it once felt real. I feel the air and I close my eyes. I smile inside and look to the skies. I want to go outside and dance out in the rain alone with you…

There is one thing that I do understand the addiction to…

Alcohol. I’ve heard it a million times. It takes the edge off. It keeps you from being “there”. I don’t know why, but I totally understand that. For the last week or 2, I’ve just had so many things get thrown at me that are very, very negative and I haven’t been able to deal with them. I haven’t been able to sleep. I just keep thinking about ways to solve them. I think about ways to deal with them. I think about ignoring them. All this thinking and anxiety keeps me up. The last few days, though… I’ve been able to sleep. I slug back enough alcohol to get myself buzzed and I pass out and wake up the next morning not even realizing when I fell asleep. I feel rested, though. Groggy, but rested. Alcohol has taken the edge off and made me not think about anything. It has made me a realist.

While this sounds really bad, I assure you that I’m not an alcoholic (at least I don’t think I am). I can probably stop whenever I feel like it at the expense of not being able to sleep again. I don’t really want to resort to pills or anything, I just want to sleep. I enjoy drinking, it’s just unfortunate that I have to drink by myself (with the exception of this last weekend, which I dearly thank my friends for… you guys were just what I needed). For the first time, I don’t have answers and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know the why’s and how’s of any of my current situations and it’s really driving me nuts. What’d I do? How do I get out of this? What do I tell my mom? What can I say to my dad? How can I help my family? Why don’t I keep friends? Etc, etc, etc… ad nauseum.

I hate to say it, but alcohol is my savior. I wish I had someone else to turn to but I don’t. The people that I wanted to be there aren’t and weren’t. That is something I have to deal with. As such… I’ve been drinkin’ about them more than I should be…

Sunday, October 15, 2006″