I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember. Most of the time, I don’t tell people that I’m doing it and I try to make it as discreet as possible.
It all started a few years ago (don’t really remember exactly when, to be completely honest). My friend Eric and I were at a bar having a great time when a girl walked up to me and simply said “I’m leaving for the night but I just wanted to let you know that I couldn’t stop staring at you and I think you’re incredibly hot.” She didn’t leave a phone number. She didn’t give me her name. She just looked back and smiled as her friends walked with her out the door.
That stuck with me. For no other reason than just to let me know that she thought I was hot, she made me feel good about myself for the rest of the night, no pressure added. I can’t begin to say how awesome that is. Has anyone ever done this to you?
So, from that day forward (or more specifically the day after), if I go to a bar with friends, I try to do the same. I don’t feel like I’ll ever pick a girl up at a bar because most girls who try to find men at the bar are doing so for a reason. I’m not like that. It may happen someday for me. Obviously, I’m at the bar too so I can’t simply look down on someone just because they’re there also but it’s definitely a factor. In the meantime, I make it a point to find a pretty girl and, before the end of the night, to tell her that I think she’s incredibly hot and, in the cases where I see that she’s with some guys, that I hope her guy friends are treating her well and I respecting her. No more, no less. No phone numbers. No names.
There are obvious exceptions to this. If I go to the bar with a girl, I won’t do it. I don’t want to disrespect my girlfriend/guest/friend by doing something like this. Instead, I’ll make sure that my friend feels like the hottest girl there. If she can’t feel like the hottest, then I’ll try to make it so she stops caring about what everyone else thinks. If I don’t find anyone that I genuinely believe is hot, I won’t say anything. I don’t lie unless I absolutely need to (which is pretty much never) so it doesn’t help someone if you’re not genuine. If one of my friends has no objections to taking a girl home and I’m helping them out with that, I won’t say anything over the top. You don’t need to do this to confident girls (truly confident girls, not the fake ones with self-worth issues) but I feel like one day I’ll get some kind of reaction back.
Now, this doesn’t exempt you from talking to girls at the bar while you’re there. Especially if the girl sees you floating around talking to other girls for most of the night, the comment will be especially meaningful. Don’t fuck up your chances of actually meeting new people because you’re too busy trying to prep yourself for a one line closer. You’re not trying to pick them up (literally), you’re trying to pick them up (figuratively). If everyone did this, I think the bar scene would be a better place.
Now, fuck off, douchebags. Get back to Scottsdale.
Good thought, I think everyone could use those selfless acts. They are the most appreciated and remembered as you made apparent.
Yeah, it’s especially hard to find someone that will give you a compliment without expecting something in return. Especially in that kind of environment, there’s always some kind of pretense…